She is Beautiful and Fearless!!

And in the end,

she got the courage

to look far away and

let herself burn

for the one she loved!

Out of her skin,

raw in love and 

away from the ordinary,

still looking the best

while she broke herself apart,

to be honest,

nothing seemed more beautiful

than the girl with broken heart,

tender smile and teary eyes!!

If I ask you to leave, will you stay?

It’s 5 AM and I’m on the roof of my house trying to figure out the shortest distance to yours. Directions have always impaired me and I almost never know where I’m going but for you, I’d figure this galaxy out like the back of my hand and know every nook and corner on my fingertips, the stars on my palms.

It doesn’t hurt that you have left. Not anymore. Deep down, I always knew you would, even when you promised you’d never. It doesn’t hurt that I can’t remember the sound of your laughter when I knew it is better than mine and it doesn’t hurt that you disappeared before I could turn around and watch your footsteps turn to dust. What hurts is that we talked about it. We talked about you leaving, about our goodbye, about the end of us and you laughed. You laughed.

And then you left.

And I’m fine with it. I’m fine with how you left without ever looking back, with how you broke every single one of your promises and with how you broke me, little by little, every single second.

But I’m not fine with how I could never figure out why you could never take any less than three sugar cubes in your coffee. Three, every single time.

I’m not fine with how I never understood why the stars didn’t fascinate you like the silence did, why you loved walking barefoot in the fields during sunsets, why the thorns that made you bleed never hurt you, why you laughed the loudest after 3 am, why your voice sounded so tired at 7pm, why you always did the absolute opposite of what I told you to do, why the people that broke you meant the most to you, why you thought that writing about your past stole your memories, why the sunrise every morning meant so much to you, why you hid from the sunrise every morning, why you were so scared of me leaving when you were the one who left without saying goodbye and why you could never take any less than three sugar cubes in your coffee. Three, every single time.

Maybe I was never meant to figure you out. Maybe you were always meant to be a mystery to me in this galaxy, and in every other too!

Maybe you were always meant to be my mystery!

Maybe if I had asked you to leave, you would have stayed.!

How can the belief depend on Gender??

As I read everything and talked a lot of people about the Sabarimala Case, I got to know about that the petition by the Young Lawyers’ Association asking the Supreme Court to lift restrictions on women from entering the Sabarimala temple in Kerala. After the Bombay High Court ruled that women are permitted to get enter in the Hazi Ali Dargah, it is supposed that the next destination can be Sabarimala temple. I heard a lot of comments about this from a lot of people. Mostly people who believe in this rule that women should not go to this temple. And when I asked them one simple question, "Who placed the restrictions on women entering the temple?” And the short answer according to them is, Ayappa,the God himself! According to legend, Ayappa is celibate so that he can focus on answering the prayers of his devotees. And he will remain celibate till the day kanni swamis (first-time devotees) stop coming to Sabarimala. And people say it's about belief. But how can belief depend on gender? My point is, if he is God, he must be above all, above jealousy, anger, temptation, cast, creed, religion, greed, gender, discrimination and all. How can a girl of any age distract the God from focusing on the prayers of other devotees? If the backstory is real, then is Ayappa really a God? I'm sorry but all my life my parents made me believes that we all are children of God. So how can a father get distracted or I would say fascinated from own children? I'm not trying to disrespect any God and sentiments or belief of people. For me it's not about equality or feminism, it's just a question which I'm trying to get answered, that how is it possible to distract a God who is above all.

According to the puranas, Ayappa was a child born of both Shiva and Vishnu, then how can he forget about all the Goddesses associated with them. For me, prayers and belief have no gender. Then why a woman is not permitted to get enter in the temple and pray? I can't believe that God made this rule because as everybody say, God made us. If there is God he can't be so small. People are saying let the temple authorities and trustees decide what to do in their temples. But are the temples property of trustees and temple authorities or they are for the common people? Moreover, if the temple belongs to trustees and authorities, then what the God is doing there and why he is there? 

The irony is that the people still believe in the backstory. Even if the court lifted restrictions, women who believe in the deity will not be queuing up to go. This is, ultimately, all about faith. But the faith I know has no gender. 

How can the belief depend on Gender?

Us Together!!

Beauty is you and me together,

the world seeing US together.

In every move we make,

in every step we take. 

In every dream we share,

in every promise we keep.

In every smile you gave in,

in every heartbeat we felt.

In every inch of happiness,

in every bit of sadness.

Beauty is you and me together,

the world seeing us together.

Do remember, there will be times,

When feelings might fade,

emotions might be dead.

When no one will care,

neither me nor you.

But either should care,

for binding us together.

There will be only one thread,

Love, Love and Love for each other.

Beauty is you and me together,

the world seeing US together!

Will you be a part of my poetry??

Let me dive into the oceans of your secret thoughts, While
I promise not to reveal your treasures to the world outside.
 

Let me run my eyes through your soul, While
I promise to touch the infinities inside you.
 

Let me be the charming character of your story, While
I promise not to leave you till the last chapter.
 

Let me taste your breath, While
I promise to close my eyes when doing so.
 

Let me gaze at you like I gaze at twinkling stars, While
I promise to do that from a distance. 

Let me sit for hours in beautiful silences with you, While
I promise to have the most magical conversation.
 

Let me call you the reason I believe in magic, While
I promise not to rob you of your magic dust.
 

Let me press my lips against yours, While
I promise to leave you wanting more.
 

Let me trace my fingers on your spine and see your
eyelashes fluttering, While
I promise to leave the impression of my fingers on you the
way an inked feather beautifully leaves on a notebook.
 

Let me make you a part of my poetry, And
I promise I won’t ask for anything more!!

                                   

A letter for every girl in twenties who is still wondering what to do!

I know your best friend got a new boyfriend, hot and charming! Another friend from college got a job with a bigggggg package! Your ex-boyfriend is getting married and changing dp with the girl every other day!  Your colleague from previous company got promotion. And that Sharma Ji’s daughter cleared her CA, now your parents are after your ass with her success stories all the time. Every time you open your Facebook and Insta, people are getting engaged, traveling around the world, posting pictures with exotic view of foreign land, even having babies. Doesn’t it feel like we are already 2nd largest in population and there is no chance it will get control.

So much happening in the world around you, Right? And on the other hand, your days passing one by one, by just existing. Waking up late, sitting on the dirty couch with your headphones and laptop, liking other’s status and pictures on social media, exploring you tube , eating and then waking up for whole night. That’s the exact schedule, I tell you. Everyone is getting serious, working their ass off and you’re still wondering what to do next? No no, not about life but you’re thinking what to eat next or which movie to watch after this one.

I know this is really exhausting but it’s just the start. Its 20’s!! People older than you treat you like kiddo who is not responsible enough for earning for self, people younger than you treat you like you are way older than them.. And you’re sitting on your couch in the front of that corner window on Saturday’s night, thinking about what to do? Believe me; happens to me every day, every hour!

Every Friday I got phone calls from so many friends for the parties, get together, birthday bashes, reunion and what not. But I’m responsible enough to not waste the weekend drinking away.  And moreover who has the enough guts to get up from my comfort position and get ready to hit the party. I’m not the one to lose myself on someone else’s tunes. These freaking parties, booze, dance floors, smokes up are too outdated now.

Sometimes I feel, is this happening coz I did this way too much and too soon? But everyone else is doing the same. Why I have to be different? Empty pockets and mind doesn’t allow me to enjoy my life, career choices and no idea of success hitting my head, and moreover the loneliness wrapping around me like my best friend. How to go out and booze and dance like crazy?

And when I tried to do this last night and be normal like every other person, things even messed up more. Dressed best in that little black dress, red lipstick, favorite heels and drank like piss. And eventually, couldn’t control my own fingers to dial the number of that wrong person. That’s my ex. Ahhhhh.. now imagine, what’s worse!! That idiot picked up on the first ring. Only my God knows what shit I blabbered in front of him.

This morning with this fucking heavy hangover which hammering on my head is really killing. As if this is not enough, checked my last night phone calls and texts and there is a rage of memory of last night frustratingly haunting. Yet another mistake. Yet again. Why and How it messed up again?

Now that’s the worst part of getting drunk to forget everything wrong happening in your life, it made you remind the past wrong and good things happened in life. For a moment, you will remember the good old times and the very next moment there’s a slideshow of all the mistakes you have done in front of your eyes.  And that’s the time SIN HAPPENS!! Just for the sake of few pretty moments I always hang the future on washroom’s lock and forget it there.

But again Why me?? Why this is happening to me in the whole world. But I guess it’s the fault of my twenties not mine.  Already things are not going right and over this, this shit happened. Really, don’t have a single clue what to do next.

So I take up a moment to think about it like a mature and practical person.

I’m sure this may happen with other girls out there in twenties. So every time things go wrong, take a moment, cut the crap and keep yourself calm.

In the rage of these shitty times, read these words

First Breathe.. Things are still not so bad. Try to calm yourself down. Now you will think, it’s easy to say this to other but hell when it happens to you. But believe me, it happens with me every time. I committed the mistake last night again and then woke up with regrets. So I do understand. I do understand how it feels alone all the time. I do understand what it feels when your family and relatives expect so much from you and you are tired of these expectations on your shoulders. I do understand when all your friends are hooking up and you are the only single one left. I do understand when you wake up every morning without any goal or reason. I know this is the time you want someone to appreciate you and to hold you up tight in arms and say those three magical words. No silly, not I Love You but IT WILL PASS! But believe me nobody can hold on to you better than you. You can still make everything work. It’s still not so late.

 

Just don’t feel defeated. No matter what, keep going. Don’t stop dreaming, don’t stop running after them, chasing them to the extent you can. Don’t stop wishing on the shooting stars. Don’t stop day dreaming about your own fairytale. Don’t stop loving yourself.  DO NOT STOP AT ANY FUCKING COST. Appreciate what you have and know your worth. Being SINGLE is not a crime. It’s great to be alone than with someone wrong. Always believe you deserve best, don’t set on less than that.

Do what your heart says. Meet the people you like and let them know their value in your life, eat your favorite meals like you’re dying tomorrow, travel alone like the WHOLE WORLD IS HOME, watch your favorite movies again and again, dance in rain like no one is watching, play with small kids like you used to do in your childhood, paint for your own happiness, hit the gym like you want that poster girl figure and abs by today only, write novels about feelings, failures and everything you want to.

But REMEMBER, do things for your own fucking HAPPINESS!

Everyone make their own mistakes, repeat that same mistake hundreds of times. But get up back every time you get down. You have still so much left to do. LIFE IS STILL LEFT TO HAPPEN. 

Let it happen!

You haven’t lived half of your life yet. Do every shitty thing that comes in your mind and 20 years down the line, when you’ll look back, these memories will make you smile, these mistakes will make you laugh and these days will make your life WORTHWHILE!

RELAX.. ITS JUST MID-TWENTIES. You will be alright with time. BREATHE AND LIVE..

LET THE LIFE HAPPEN!

A Letter For My Mom

So it's been a long time I haven't written anything. Of course I do always write short quotes and stuff. But didn't get enough time to maintain my personal blog. People who love to read my write ups always ask me why I'm not coming up with anything on my blog. Strangers tried to motivate me. I really feel blessed when people who don't know me personally, message on social accounts that they like my writing. I feel appreciated when they ask me to write something soon. That is such an inspiration. Anyways, what a better day than Mother's Day.

Whatever I was, I'm and I'll be, I always owe my everything to my mom. So from the busy hectic life full of stress and work and heart beaks and every temporary thing or emotion, a plain letter to say just thanks. Thanks for my existence, because of you!

 

Dearest Mom,
Thank You! 
These words are not enough for what all you've done for me. I guess, words cant express my gratitude towards you. I thought a lot before writing this letter, which is very unusual. After spending all these years with you, I should've write so much. But believe me, there are not enough alphabets and not enough words to tell you how much you mean to me. How much I love you! I know I've been a bad kid, made you pissed off so many times. And you did the same :p but you know me. You know me right before my existence. I still remember when you told me about the complications during your pregnancy, I was almost dead inside your womb. Even the doctors did hands up. Heartbeats stopped and you thought you have lost me. I can't forget the terrifying expressions on your face when you were telling me all this, like the world will end. Your world will end. But I survived. I survived for you, because you wanted me to come to this world. You brought me here to live, to laugh, to experience and to love! When I was a kid who cant say whether I'm hungry or having a pain, you knew it well. You always knew what I wanted. You still does. I remember when every one in the family teased me that you brought me from dustbin and I was crying and you said you love me so much. You made me believe every one is joking and even if you brought me from somewhere I'm still your daughter. The unconditional love, the support, the care, the fake scoldings. That was love without expecting back anything. You were always there, whenever I needed you. You still are! In my sorrows, in my tears, in my joys, in my happiness. You always take care of me and give your suggestions and tips to value things in my life. You made me learn the right and wrong. Remember, once I was having a dance competition and was very nervous at the time of results. You said, "doesn't matter who will win, I'm proud of seeing you dancing on stage". Yes, I won the competition. But you were more happier than me. Seeing you from there clapping for me, is still the best moment for me. 
 Every time I look behind and try to recall my childhood, you are always there. In every picture, in every memory. We shared almost everything, every emotion, joys, happiness, parties, birthdays we celebrated together. When I cried, you cried, when I laughed, you laughed. Seems like you made me your first priority. All your life you handled me, my craziness, my not-so-cool weird attitude. You helped me throughout all my life. You cleaned up the messy kitchen when I'm done cooking. You screamed on me for not having my dinner when I got busy in my laptop. You scolded me for doing thing wrong and then after some time you used to come and make me understand things. That was the best part of teenage. 
Yeah we had so many arguments, even don't-ever-call-me-mom and I-am-not-your-daughter-anymore kind of fights.When I was growing up and you used to be extremely protective, I used to run away from home and live my life with my ways. I used to think, you're not understanding me. I used to fight for being out on my birthday and celebrate my birthday with my friends. I forgot that you're my best friend, the first friend. And when you found my personal diary and I've written about my crush and you read all. How angry I was because you touched my personal diary. How much I fought you. I forgot that you are in my every personal, I'm a part of you. When you confronted, I was so afraid how you'll react about that, Frankly speaking I was thinking of whether you will like my choice, my crush or not. You did nothing. You just made me realize it's okay to have crush or crushes, it's not me, it's my age. But don't ever suffer myself for anyone. No body worth it. You are right, no body worth the beautiful gift called life which you've given me. 
I got a bit younger, a bit smarter. Realized how wrong I was, and how right you were. Every time you scolded, you fought it was for my own good. Now I realized how great it was to being a bit strict for me. For taming the wild girl I'm, for raising me so beautifully, for making me an independent person I'm today, you must had to be strict. You always believe and see the best in me. I still feel if you would not have there, how miserable my life would have. You devoted your whole life for us and didn't expected anything but love. You worked for whole day, for whole week, whole month, whole year. Seems like you never asked for a break for a decade. Yeah sometimes, I cook by myself to give you the rest, sometimes I help you in household chores. But only sometimes. And when you're not home. Believe me, home doesn't feel like home. And all I think is, how you manage everything from morning to night.
I know, I have flaws. But for you, I'm perfect.  You always believe in my choices whether it's about getting admission in a college far off home, or started working at such a young age. You never doubted my intentions, my dreams, my motives. You gave me all the freedom I wanted, freedom to be what I want to. Freedom to celebrate my new year and birthdays out with my friends. But now, I don't want to. The childhood punishments like locked me in my room and not going out of house and to not  meet any person out are now my favorite adult hobbies. Over the years, I have understood you too well, like you understand me. I know it took time. But now I know your anger is for a few yours, I know you still care about whether I had my lunch or dinner. I know you still wake up every midnight when I made coffee for myself. I'm so sorry for wake you up, I really try to do everything so silently. I always used to see you draping yourself in sari, I used to learn that from you. You made me learn that. I feel that I have this external love for sari because of you. Seeing myself wearing your sari is one of the best feel. Now we behave like more of sisters, asking for each other clothes, heels, lipstick and of course you keep on whatsapp me now and then. Your never ending household stuff list which you keep on sending me to bring.
This mother's day, don't know why, don't know how, I'm feeling like your little daughter is so grown up to understand you. For me you mean everything, yeah I don't make you see it every day. But I know that you know! Like Always! You were always a role-model for me. You still are! You always inspired me. No matter how tough the situation is, you handle it gracefully and strongly. I always wish to I be like you someday, strong, caring, calm, graceful and a bit beautiful (which is kinda impossible).
Every time I look at you, I never feel you have aged. You still look the same, fair skin, grey brown eyes, long blonde hair, the pleasant personality and the charming smile. I feel like old in front of you. And believe me, I try very hard to look not as good as you, but at least not too bad in photographs, when we get a click together. And I'm very proud you always win. Though I feel a bit heartbroken when everyone says you're way more beautiful than me. But that's cool. After all, you're my mom. 
From saying thank you to over the years of journey together, I guess I have reminded you everything. I just want to say, I'm so proud of you mom. I'm not blessed to have a mom like you, but YOU. I love you so much and I will always. No matter what I'll become, where I'll be, I will always need you. 
 Happy Mother's Day

Forever Love
Your Daughter
Mohini Sharma

I fell in love with a stranger, he was my husband!

As I sat uncomfortably on my wedding bed, furiously thinking about everything that is going to happen the next moment, these thoughts making me more nervous. I married to a complete stranger. Just met him once on our engagement day with hundreds of people around us, couldn’t get the chance to know him better. But thanks to my mom who gave me some valuable tips for a happy married life. I was thinking about how to tell my husband that I’m not virgin. I was thinking about all the possible outcomes. Maybe he won’t feel offended but he can get angry and left me. These were the thoughts making me feel terrified from the very day my wedding got fixed but then on my wedding bed these same thoughts scared my nervous system like hell.
He knocked and came inside, his footsteps gave me goose bumps. I was breathing heavily and my heart jumped in my neck but I pretended to be calm. He had a charming smile, but he seemed a bit uncomfortable too. When he took his pillow and turned; my mother’s words came to my mind that if your husband is not willing to sleep with you, your marriage is in trouble. I looked at him with questions in my eyes and he said, “I can totally understand that we didn’t get chance to know and come close to each other and I has to agree that this is very comfortable for both of us. So I’m gonna sleep on couch until we’re comfortable with each other and eventually fell in love. And you’re my wife not any prostitute” I smiled and said good night and he jokingly said that he was not a secret gay he promised. He proved my mom wrong. As I slept on the bed without removing my make-up or anything, tears rolled down from the corner of my eyes. People say it amazes them when we shed tears while we are happy. They say, it didn't make sense, but to me, it made more sense. There was a calm sense in my breath, smile on my lips, a satisfaction in my heart and a stranger in the room, though he was my husband.
The next morning, I got up a bit late. I rushed to get ready and ran to kitchen to make a cup of tea for my husband but he was in the kitchen itself. I remember my mom’s words that if any woman let her husband come into the kitchen, she’s failed as a good wife. I stepped in and looked at him and took the pan from his hand. He said, “I like cooking. You can cook when you like and so will I. After all you are my wife not a slave”

He proved my mom wrong again and that was the moment he won all my respect. I started open up with him. I started giggling, laughing, living with him. I started liking him. I used to shed lots of tears at home and I did the same here too, but the feelings of why it came, was different. I felt confidence building inside me. I could have never imagined asking him about going with my friends for trekking but I did. I remember the time my mom asked my dad to attend a religious function somewhere with her friends. I can’t forget my dad’s expressions full of disgust and disappointment. That day my mom told me not to ask questions like this to my husband ever. But she has been wrong ever since I came here. My husband’s expressions were same as my father. For a few moments, I got scared and couldn’t say a word. He said frustrated, "how many times have I told you that you are my wife? Why are you taking my permission like that? Like you are a prisoner? In fact, why are you asking at all? Inform me and go. Don't beg for it!"
My parents gave birth to me, they raised me but it was my husband who was teaching me how to live. I was enjoying his company. Whenever he called my name, it sounded special. It was, in all honesty, special. One day I asked him to be patient with me because I’m learning and he said, “I will keep that in my mind, if you promise me to remember that you are not in your home anymore. Let the past be in the past” He touched my back to comfort me for a moment. But it felt so different. After all, it was his first touch since I came in his house. I was learning living from my husband.
I invited some of my friends at home and we drank the wine which my husband bought for us. After going them we were talking and I told him that I want to work. My mom’s words echoed in my mind again but after knowing my husband I avoided them. He excitedly asked what I want to do and I said writing. He was so happy and supportive that he asked me if I want a new laptop or something. I remember the time when I asked my dad for doing a job and he said to learn cooking and all household chores.
That night, I cried like never before. I covered my face with pillow tightly to protect the sound. I didn't know why I was crying so hard but I wanted to scream. I saw a black shadow near my door. He was standing there, watching me. I stood up and went to him and I kissed him. I hugged him and kissed him again. I dragged him in the bed. "You sure it isn't the wine doing?" he asked me. I rolled my eyes and replied, "You sure you aren't a secret gay?" He laughed, "You are about to find out." he said and pushed me on bed and kissed me while undressing me. It was typical of me but I had to say it, I thought I owed it to him. I stopped him and said, "Before we start, I just want you to know. I am not a virgin." He waved his hand off and said, "I thought you were going to say that you have AIDS." I laughed and pulled him close and kissed him.
And that night we did it. We made love first time after 3 months of my marriage. The next morning I woke up and find him sleeping beside me peacefully, the same charming smile and I smiled after seeing him smiling. He made me believe in myself, realized what life is and especially what love is. The best gift my parents ever given me is not giving birth to me but to marry me to this stranger. I fell in love truly, madly, completely and passionately with the stranger I got married to. I fell in love with a stranger, he was my husband!